A few days ago another very important person stepped into my life with whom we reopened the case discussed in Raised to be a champion part 1. How can you solve and already solved problem? By letting others light the issue from a very different angle.

Champion or man?

The first article’s conclusion was, that the sleeping champion was breaking to surface again, but it turns out, there is more. In a child’s life, parents play the most important role. Kids see these role models as the example to follow, they take their parents’ behavior as golden rules carved into stone. Even if it’s healthy, or unhealthy. Most parents raise their children according to what they believe is best for them, but there is no method that doesn’t have its faults. But it is our responsibility as adults to readjust courses in our personality that could be improved.

Women want girls, men want boys

Even if this statement is not 100% true, yet many girls are being raised by dads like boys, and many boys being raised like girls by mothers. Have you ever met a mommy’s boy? These men are likely to look for women, who will replace their mothers once they are out of the house, being very dependent on their partner. While daddy’s girls are likely to over exercise their masculine side to pressure their partner, as they have learnt to be independent and strong. 

When I met Brittany, who has helped thousands of women to put their lives back together, I told her my story. Brittany was thrown out of her home at the age of 15 and became a millionaire by 24. Then she lost everything and now she uses her learning and scientific knowledge to help others, and train them to be able to deal with their problems alone. When I heard her story, I knew I had to reopen the Raised to be a champion case.

Brittany used her 15 years of experience to explain to me what are our feminine and our masculine sides responsible for and what are their dangers when they are not in balance. She instantly saw the link between my professional sports background and the upbringing from my father. The man side dominated in me while the feminine did not get this much attention. I learned to win and the hunger for success. This doesn’t mean the woman inside of me does not want to win. It means, that my masculine self is more responsible for winning.

Then when the feminine side started dominating when I quit professional sports, I put on makeup and started acting like a woman, and later the masculine came back. The problem started at the beginning when I never learned how to balance the two. It was either this, or that, but I never found the golden middle. This is why I had the troubling feeling all through my past relationship that I should have been born as a man. I felt more like a man.

DCIM101GOPROThis is also why I find it hard to accept help, to accept a dinner invitation, to be showered with attention.

Although Brittany’s scientific research reveals that men and women should never be equal as they are not programmed to be. The man is programmed to provide, to give, to shower the woman with love, to be attentive and to be the hero. If I take this away from my partner by overpowering, he will lose his touch of reality and roles will shift. This is why last time I ended up being the provider, bringing the money and the food home and showering him with attention while not getting anything in return. I took away my partner’s masculinity and forced him into a feminine role, which he felt very uncomfortable with. So did I.

Now I see why I had a hard time accepting a man paying for dinner or walking me home. I was raised to be a man, so I acted like one.

While our feminine side is programmed to receive, to be showered with attention, to pay the man with a smile and making him feel like a hero. We were not destined to be equal in the matter of roles. We can’t let women take away man’s power and we can’t let this misbelief take away our femininity.

Brittany said, when we see those women who get out of cars they did not buy, and wearing jewelry they did not buy, they are the real women. They learned to receive from a real man who learned to give. But there is a danger. Becoming women who can only receive and never give is a loser, as the masculine side is not present. The men in all of us want to win and rise to the top. If it’s missing, we will only be followers and never leaders.

Distorted images

This unhealthy feminism and chauvinism are responsible for the mess we see today. We have no realistic expectations towards either sex anymore and have no idea how we should be in a relationship. It is possible to be in a couple where both parties are highly successful as long as women don’t try to domesticate a man like a cat and men don’t try to prison women in the kitchen. Do you see why sometimes men leave when the women are more successful? Misbalance in power?

We equally need to have respect towards each other. That means, no more whistling after girls on the street, no more calling them bitches because they wear short skirts, or have fun, or didn’t reply to a message as we expected them to. And no more looking down on men who have a position below us in a company.

What I concluded from this conversation, is that I was raised like a boy and I carried on with this role, putting too much pressure on relationships, overtook a role I should not have, forced him into my role which made both of us very uncomfortable. This contributed to ending it.

That night Brittany invited me for dinner and asked me to observe the feeling that I have after receiving something from a stranger. She paid and I was sent home with the homework to try to enjoy being treated well and just simply be happy for it. She asked me to start practicing being a woman more often and let people help me when they want to.

Still, the man in me wants to win and give. This is why My Seven Worlds was born at the first place, to be able to give. But the woman in me needs to learn to accept. Now that I have a more complete picture of the puzzle, I can add a new lesson to my self-development and things are in motion again.

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